Goddammit

My all-time favorite restaurant on the Cape is advertising for a sous chef. This is a great, high-end joint, only about two miles from my house. Call me conceited, but I could get the job if I applied for it.

Now, dammit, do I want it? I’m still waiting on payment from the copyediting jobs I’ve done. So I guess I’m a little lacking in the confidence sector there. I mean, did I suck that much? That I don’t even get paid?? Or is this just the usual time lag on getting paid as a freelancer?

Christ almighty, I don’t want to work in a kitchen again. But I feel almost obligated to, since the money isn’t exactly rolling in, and who knows when I’ll get my next freelance job?

On the other hand, I’m afraid that if I start working as a cook again full-time I won’t have the time and/or energy to pursue editing for real. dammit.

dammit. dammit.

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