In lieu of commenting on the abysmal pitching, fielding, and sportsmanship witnessed by anyone unfortunate enough to tune in to the Yankees/Red Sox series over the weekend (Who knew A-Rod was such a potty mouth? Okay, don’t answer that…), I offer this bit of quasi-baseball-related information.

From The Register, my hometown’s weekly rag:

(Note: This is from the tail end of an article about one of the local Cape League teams, the Y-D Red Sox.  After a long discussion of the new shuttle they offer patrons travelling from distant parking lots to the ballfield, they launch a brief interview with the concessions stand guy, who has some noteworthy culinary creations to announce.)

Standing behind the concession stand, Phillips is an energetic, enthusiastic and creative pitchman for his new creations, challenging kids and adults who just want a cheeseburger to try a Hurler or Sinker instead.

The Sinker is a “perfectly grilled 4-ounce, USDA, Grade A, all beef patty nestled between the lightly toasted halves of a cake doughnut,” Phillips explains in a flyer he distributes to the customers.

“Do you want it inside, down the middle, or outside?” asks the Sinker pitchman. An order for an Inside Sinker, over the plate, yields a cinnamon doughnut bun with a slice of cheese.

For the truly adventurous, Phillips offers the Hurler, a burger in a jelly doughnut, “topped with an ounce of canned squirt cheddar cheese,” that comes with the warning: “Some fans may experience minor intestinal discomfort after eating the Hurler Burger.  For our players’ safety during the game, Y-D Red Sox rules prohibit us from selling the Hurler Burger to any fans who will be sitting directly on the foul lines.”

Phillips’ flyer proclaims that his Hurlers are “the long awaited taste treat sensation that is sure to rock the stands of ball fields all across this nation.”

You’ve been warned.




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