A moment of silence, please, for those of us who came of age in the 80’s.
By this, of course, I mean those of us who were born well before the all-important rubicon of the release of Star Wars in 1977. If you were born after this date, then you were neither conscious nor cognizant enough to have been in middle school during the early 80’s… and you ought to thank your lucky goddamn stars already.
Let’s all reminisce, shall we? C’mon ’round the campfire, kids, and remember the fun, the romance, the good times, and let’s not forget…
… the roller skating.
Back in those days of shetland sweaters, polo shirts, bermuda bags, blue eyeshadow, acne, and awful hair, there was one place on Cape Cod where all the cool kids went. Parents loved it, over-acheiving athletic kids exploited it, and were in turn exploited. Ungainly kids with few romantic propects pinned their hopes on that elusive, special Friday night at…
The roller skating rink where dreams came true.
Where I fell down more than I skated.
Where I once hid in the girls’ room for three hours to hide the run in my stockings.
Where I got my first kiss… on the back of my hand, by the popcorn vendor.
Where the “snowflake dance” purportedly allowed the girls to invite the guys for a turn on the high-gloss pine floors. Not that I would know.
Where the funnest part was the couples dance, set to the tune “Turn Your Love Around” — every time that lyric was sung, the couple had to change directions and skate the other way. Not that I would know.
Where you would occasionally be treated to the sight of some creepy middle-aged guy taking an “unscripted, spontaneous” turn on the floor, showing all the 7th and 8th graders his best moves in his lycra trousers.
Yeah, boyee, I can’t wait. Sign me right up for a trip down memory lane with all the snotty girls, nasty boys, and crippling self-awareness of youth on wheels.
Sign. Me. Up.