Freaking somebody gave me Photoshop and I have had a headache ever since.
Do not get me wrong. I am totally in love with the damn thing. But I fear that during the seventy-eleven hours I have spent obsessively learning how to use it, I have sprained the muscles used in brow-furrowing. I am an inveterate brow furrower, and nothing brings out that unfortunate trait quite like learning new software. I have been furrowing so furiously that I have a mild cramp between my eyebrows, like somebody punched me right in my third eye.
I mean, what a monkey’s paw of a gift! Having this program in my arsenal has instantly relieved a whole mess of frustrations, only to replace them with a cornucopia of ripe, juicy frustrations I had never before even considered.
This is not to say that I am not grateful. I am thrilled. This means that I can now let my inner graphic designer loose, for whatever it’s worth. But it also means that the last two days have been a blur, and that my forehead has been increasingly tilted toward the computer screen, as if by mere proximity I could convince Photoshop to do my bidding. Through telekenesis.
Watch. They will now release Photoshop TK!!! Harnessing astounding new technology to allow you to use your awesome brain power to manipulate images on the screen!!! And I will be disqulaified from use, as I sit here with a steak on my face a la Bugs Bunny, and nurse my permanently bruised cranial chakra.