polyamorous

Dear Technology Companies,

When you’re done patting yourselves on the backs for being all “revolutionary” and for “redefining” the “paradigm” — whatever that means — and you’re not too busy plotting where to put the next climbing wall at headquarters to promote “synergy” amongst team members during “trust training” or whatever the hell corporate trainers are promoting these days, do me a favor.

Everybody all get together and decide on one — ONE! — cable design for connecting all my gadgets to an outlet, and another one for connecting them to my computer’s USB. Developing a USB was nifty and all, but it doesn’t do me a fly’s eyelash worth of good if all the other ends of those nifty “universal” cables are as individual — and as special! — as snowflakes.

I’m talking all MP3 players, digital cameras, and cell phones. One cable to connect each to an outlet, if that is how they charge, and one to a computer, if they like to make talky-talk with computers. These universal cables must work for all my devices. All of them! I am sick! of! this!

With every new gadget I buy, I add another garden snake to my drawer full of gadget cables. And then I have to go through the embarassing ritual of inspecting the shape and size of each device’s lady parts so I can see which cable-y doinky goes in the hole.

YES I AM SEXUALIZING MY GADGETS. Seeing as their lady parts get far more action than mine do, I think it’s only fair.

If there were only one type of cable none of this would be necessary. Get on with the revolution, please.

And with your bad selves. Thanks for all the cool stuff, keep it coming.

Love,

Me

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