play ball

Live blogging the Yankees game!  For no good reason!

8:15 pm

Just got home from work — insane day.  Notice the game is on the computer, being broadcast by stupid retarded, who want to ruin baseball for everybody everywhere.  Secret agenda of, swear to god.  Discuss vast anti-baseball-fan conspiracy with husband for ten minutes while flinging off work clothes and replacing with any garment that involves fleece and/or drawstrings. 

8:55 pm

finally notice that it’s my boyfriend, Mike Mussina pitching the game tonight.  Try harder to get around to sitting down in front of the computer and stifle rage at axis of evil.  Must spend a few minutes dishing Thai takeout into bowls and plates, then sit down at computer, tuck warm blanket around legs, and sigh with amped up contentment (still coming down from work).

9:02 pm

Mike Mussina leaves mound INEXPLICABLY.  Just signalled to the pitching coach and made a beeline for the clubhouse.  Refuse to believe that hot, smart pitcher is actually injured one week into the season.  Conjecture that he probably just had to pee.  Perhaps he just remembered he left the oven on.  And had to fly back from Minnesota to New York, where the oven was in danger of setting his tastefully decorated apartment afire.  Which nobody wants.  So no worries, he’ll be back.  I’m not worried.

9:11 pm

announcers mention a no-hitter in progress in Boston.  Lean waaay back in comfy chair to peek at TV in living room, showing the Red Sox game.  As soon as eyes lock on TV, watch JD Drew get a hit and break up the no-hitter.  bastard.  lean back in to Yankee game.  Still no word from Mussina.


Know what? broadcast can BLOW ME.  Close that fucker out, log on instead to the radio broadcast from the New York announcers, John sterling and Suzyn Waldman.  Oh my GOD, that’s better.  No need to actually watch any more anyway, without any hot, smart pitchers swanning about.  Sigh.


Play has stopped in the Mets game (back to the living room TV screen) BECAUSE THERE IS A KITTEN ON THE FIELD.  Massive cuteness ensues.  Like peanut butter and chocolate, I can’t believe nobody has ever thought before of combining kittens and baseball.  It’s a can’t-miss combination.  Kitten makes a HEROIC leap up the left field wall to safety.  Fame is ensured in clipshows for years to come.


Best part about listening to the radio broadcast?  New York ads.  Gotta go to Mo’s!  You go to J&B! Benihana Steakhouse!


Mussina has a strained left hamstring.  Hamstar.  hamstray.  homestring.  Crap.  Hot, smart pitcher might not be seen for WEEKS now.  Jesus Christ.  Maybe I should oughta go to bed.  Thank god Pettitte’s back.  Goddamn traitor.  Had to go to goddamn TEXAS to be with his BOYFRIEND Roger CLEMENS. Who is totally in the autumn of his career. As we all know.

9:34 pm

Red Sox game is over — Seattle wins 3-0.  Dice K takes the loss. Boston seems to be taking quite a shine to their new squirrelball pitcher, or whatever his specialty pitch is.  They’ll turn on him eventually.  Just a matter of when, not if.

9:41 pm

Satchel Paige, my very own boy-cat, also loves baseball.  He joins me in front of the computer, curls up on my lap, and makes it all cozy.   My pulse rate is finally slowing down to human levels after the adrenaline surge of a 12-hour day at work.  Yankees lead 1-0.  No idea how we scored that run.  What an idiot.  Still no sign of Mussina.  Wonder if he needs someone to rub his thigh down for him.  Poor, poor strained hamstring.  Poor, hot, smart pitcher.

9:47 pm

Just to make this a fully multi-media endeavor, let’s open up the old Gameday interface.  Like watching your little brother play Nintendo baseball, only in stop motion.  Not the greatest, but they do add more gizmos and gadgets to it every year, and it HAS allowed me to keep tabs on a game at work more than once.  So hey, no hard feelings.

9:49 pm

Sean Henn, who came in when Mussina left, appears to be falling apart a bit. They bring in Proctor.

9:51 pm

I was ready for this “Bundt Cake” UPS ad to be retired LAST SEASON, and they’ve gone and recycled it for ANOTHER SEASON?   Christ.  Like UPS can’t afford to produce a new radio ad?  Children, please.

9:53 pm

Proctor gives up the tying run.  Cuddyer gets the RBI, which makes it easier to take, because I love the way Sterling says the name “Cuh-DIE-yer.” Can’t explain it.  I just do.

9:57 pm

A-Rod was responsible for the Yankees’ one RBI.  Who knew?  Guy’s on fire. 



Detriot and Baltimore are locked in with NO SCORE inthe ELEVENTH INNING.  That’s outstanding. 

Mienkiewicz just made a fantastic diving catch to save a double.  Nice.  Almost reason enough to switch back to broadcast, except not really. 

10:14 pm

Sterling revives the old saw that when you make a great play in the field, you lead off in the next inning, because Mienkiewicz is leading off after making that great play at first.  Which I think the math geeks at Baseball Prospectus have disproved a few times, but like that matters.  What?  You think this is a game of NUMBERS?  It’s a game of ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

10:18 pm

Damn, that no-score business in Baltimore is going into the 12th inning now.  Good times.  I should really go to bed — I’ve got a very early day tomorrow, dammit.  But Satchel is now passed out on my lap, stretched out the full length of my legs, from hip to ankle.  No way am I going anywhere.  Yankees are tied and they’re going into the 12th in Baltimore.  I have waited MONTHS for this.

10:21 pm

Oh, here we go.  Yankee pitcher Farnsworth gives up a lead-off walk to the bad guys.  Naturally, bad guy steals second two seconds later.  This is, of course, followed by a bunt attempt, which fails.

10:27 pm

Yankees trail 3-1.  The adorably named Cuddyer is responsible for the RBI.  Then HE comes home on a RBI double, to make it 4-1.  OH!  And now it’s 5-1.  Delightful.  Thanks, Farnsworth.  Good job.  Let’s check in on Baltimore.

10:33 pm

HOLY!  The Baltimore-Detriot game is broken wide open when Detriot produces a GODDAMN GRAND SLAM HOMERUN.  Right down the center aisle.  Woo!  Baseball!  Rock! 

From the looks of the TV screen in the living room, there are apporximately 3.5 people left in the stands in Baltimore, where it is snowing.  Or raining.  It is cold and wet.  But ladies and gentlemen, WHEN YOU LEAVE THE GAME EARLY YOU MISS THE GRAND SLAMS.  Which are exciting, even when the visiting team is the one doing it.  Why else did you pay good money for a seat in the stadium?  Priorities, people.

10:40 pm

Jeter starts things off right with a lead-off single in the top of the ninth.  Abreu lines out.  He’s had a nothing of a night, poor fella.  We like him.  He’ll be fine.  Here comes A-Rod, who gets a base hit!  Nice job.  That guy might have a future in this game.  Keep an eye on that one.

10:46 pm

Ballgame over, Minnesota wins.  Alas for the Yankees, alas for hot, smart pitcher Mussina.  But an outstanding night for baseball.  A one-hitter complete game in Boston, a no-score into the 12th in Baltimore, and a pitchers’ duel in New York until Farnsworth decided to turn into a pumpkin.  I can rest in peace now.

If I can get Satchel to wake up.

2 Thoughts.

  1. hee…kitten on the field stopping the ballgame…(imagines the cuteness). hope you’re well. xoxoxo.

  2. OMG, you actually made baseball seem interesting. I. HATE. Model’s. Bad commercials, bad store. Bad bad bad.

    Now go to sleep.

    Oh. And did I mention I’m never taking these socks off, ever?

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